ISSUES OF GRIEF AND HEALING

GRIEVING is not forgetting, nor is it drowning in tears. Healthy grieving results in an ability to remember the importance and significance of our loss – but with a new found sense of peace, rather than searing pain. Each person grieves in his/her own way, according to his/ her needs. There is no formula for grief and way around it. Like other emotions, grief is simply there, like love, joy and fear. As with other emotions, we cannot wish grief away, nor can we avoid it, some of us may try to ignore grief, or pretend it does not exist, but eventually we will feel it.

GRIEF like death is hard to discuss. Unlike other emotions that we have grown comfortable expressing or describing, we have no ready words for grief or bereavement. When we are happy, we can say we are on top of the world, flying high or on cloud nine. We can use clichés for anger too, and say someone has had it up to here, sees red, or blows his top. Grief has no such expression, but it has a range of accompanying feelings, anger, loneliness, depression, guilt, relief, sorrow, fear, anxiety. In the midst of the grief we may swing from one emotion to the next, unprepared for the strength of our feelings and uncertain what to make of them. Grief is a country we all must visit, and it helps to know what it is like there, how others survived the journey, the maps they have followed, the setbacks, and what they learned along the way.

MANY people experience a myriad of reactions during the process of grief. In order to safeguard yourself against a long period of depression as a result of grief, it is critical to discover purpose and hope outside yourself. In time, your sense of purpose will return as the pain becomes less intense.

REACHING OUT FOR HELP WHEN YOU ARE GRIEVING WHEN someone you love dies, you must mourn if you are to renew your capacity to love. In other words, mourning brings healing. But healing also requires the support and understanding of those around you as you embrace the pain of your loss. Perhaps the most compassionate thing you can do for yourself at this difficult time is to reach out for help from others. Think of it this way, grieving maybe the hardest work you have ever done, and hard work is less burdensome when others, lend a hand. Life’s greatest challenges – getting through school, raising children, pursuing a career – are in many ways team efforts, so it should be with mourning.

I am writing these grief series to assist you to search for a counselor or a grief support group. Sharing your pain with others will not make it disappear, but it will, over time, make it more bearable. Reaching out for help also connects you to other people and strengthens the bonds of love that make life seem worth living again.

WHERE TO TURN FOR HELP

IF you are grieving you may indeed find strength and a sense of stability if you draw on an entire system for help. Friends and family can often form the core of your support system. Seek out for people who encourage you to be yourself and who acknowledge your many thoughts and feelings about the death. What you need most now are caring, non-judgmental listeners.

YOU may also find comfort in talking to a minister or other church leaders. When someone you love dies, it is natural for you to feel ambivalent about your faith and question the very meaning of life. A Church Minister who responds not with criticism but with empathy to all your feelings can be a valuable resource.

A professional counselor may also be a very helpful addition to your support system. In-fact a good counselor can be something friends and family members cannot, an objective listener. A good counselor’s office can be that safe haven where you can “let go” of those feelings you are afraid to express elsewhere. Once more, a good counselor will help you constructively channel those emotions.

FOR many grieving people, support groups are one of the best helping resources. In a group, you can connect with others who have experienced similar thoughts and feelings. You will be allowed and gently encouraged to talk about the person who died as much and as often as you like.

REMEMBER, help comes in different forms for different people. Find what works best for you and then make use of it.

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CHOMI Makina is the current President of Funeral Services Association and Group Chief Executive Officer for Moonlight Funeral Assurance and Services and can be contacted on clmakina@yahoo.com

FOR further Grief Care Counseling and help contact: INSTITUTE of Funeral Business Management LONGCHEN Mall

BLOCK 2, 3rd Floor

SUITE 301

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